Main Ingredients:
daughter
lifeguard
mango
carrot
bus stop
Spice Pack:
1/2 dash of apprehension
1 pinch of annoyance
Last night, I was waiting at the bus stop to go home. It was an exhausting day – my tolerance for bullshit was low. So, of course, the universe does its thing and serves me a pile of bullshit.
It came in the form of a guy best described as an overweight Channing Tatum. He was just fit enough to be a lifeguard, so I'll call him Lifeguard. Lifeguard went up to me and told me something, but I had my earphones on. I took them off and asked him what he said. He replied, "Your arms look like carrots."
I mean, it's true, but it's also like... wut. I kind of just ignored the comment and tried to return to my music, but before I could put my earphones back in, he said, "Mango."
At this point, I was getting pretty weirded out. I'm a scrawny film kid, not Beyonce – leave me alone. I decided to walk away from the bus stop, and Lifeguard didn't follow me. Thank God.
Except, ten seconds later, the bus arrived at the station. I could either miss this one – and wait another 20 minutes – or get inside and risk having an entire ride with this mango-loving motherfucker.
I turned back and headed for the bus. Lifeguard was staring at me. Why, life. Why. I joined the line in front of the bus doors, and Lifeguard stood right behind me.
He tapped my shoulders. I was only a couple steps from entering the bus, so I didn't respond. But then he began hitting my shoulders like they were bongo drums or some shit, so finally, I pulled my earphones out and shouted, "OKAY, WHAT THE FUCK."
A pause. He smiled and replied, "You're my daughter."
Comments
The end of the story is kind of scary, and it leaves a lot of space for imagination.