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Jeremy and Tom buy Drugs

edited May 2017 in Dishes
Main Ingredients:
bff X
drug dealer X
rib-eye steak X
sauce X
side street X

Spice Pack:
1 dash of anticipation
1/8 dollop of frivolousness

BFFs Jeremy and Tom got bored one day.

“What should we do?” Tom asks.
Jeremy shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. But I’m bored.”
“Wanna, I don’t know, buy some drugs from OQ?”

OQ is the local drug dealer. He’s a bit of an idiot but he’s the only plug in all of Kennebunkport, so everyone goes to him for their reefer needs. He’s not the brightest drug dealer you’d ever met, but he gets by. Plus as the only dealer in a wealthy, sheltered New England town like Kennebunkport, you don’t really need to be brilliant to make ends meet.

“Sure.” Jeremy replies.

And off they go to meet OQ on the side street next to the Arby’s.

“Hey fellas.” That was OQ’s salutation.
Almost in unison: “Hi, OQ.” “What’s up, OQ.”
“What can I do for you boyos?”
“Well,” Tom begins meekly (he had never done this before), “we were wondering if you had…” he looks around him before whispering, “the sauce.”
“The sauce?” OQ asks.

The two friends nod their heads once again in unison.

“Oh, oh, I got the sauce, alright.” OQ exclaims proudly. “I’ve got béarnaise, I’ve got remoulade. I’ve got your grade-A, gourmet, delicatessen, prime rib-eye steak, filet mignon, so-good-it’ll-make-you-cry chronic. The kinda stuff that makes you believe in god again. It’s that good.”
“Wow.” Tom remarks.
“I guess it must be good.” Jeremy chimes in.
“Oh, you bet your bottom dollar it’s good.”
“Cool! So how much?”

OQ fishes around in his pants pocket and pulls out a small sandwich baggie with three nuggets of his finest weed.

“This stuff will get you real high-up-in-the-sky with less than one puff. But,” OQ throws the baggie over his shoulder and it falls onto the ground, “because I like you two newbies so much, I’ll give you something from my personal stash.”
“Wow, you’d do that for us?” Tom asks excitedly, surprised by OQ’s unnecessary kindness.
“For two chillers like you? Absolutely.”

Tom hops from one foot back to the other excitedly. Jeremy tries a little harder to keep his cool.

Jeremy clears his throat, “Thanks dude, that’s really baller of you to do.”

OQ pulls a bag out of his sweater pocket. It’s a larger plastic bag with some ground product in it.

“Think of it as a little initiation gift from me to you. I normally charge my most loyal clients $90 for this bad boy, but for you guys,” he pauses pensively, “I’ll do $50.”

“Sold.” Tom almost jumps out of his shoes.
“You rock, OQ. Seriously.” Jeremy adds.

OQ hands Jeremy the bag of goods. Tom fishes through his wallet and comes out with $30. Jeremy pulls a $20 bill out of his pants pocket. They had the dough to OQ.

“You’re the man, OQ.”
“Yeah, OQ, you’re the man.”

The two boys walk off with their kush, still thanking OQ for his kind gesture. OQ smiles, tells them it’s no problem and waves until they’re out of sight. Once they're gone OQ bends down and picks up the bag of greens he had thrown onto the ground.

“Too easy.” OQ mutters smugly to himself, for he had just sold our two heroes $1.50 worth of oregano.
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