Main Ingredient:
Zookeeper
Kids
Celery
Pineapple
Handcuffs


Spice Pack:
1/3 pinch of trust
1/2 cup of optimism


So today my wife convinced me to chaperon our kid’s fieldtrip. Now I typically don’t like taking on the responsibility of watching our twin boys but I have you known I was forced on this trip because I spent too many nights out late with the guys this past month. All week I’ve been dreading this day, not because I have my kids all day but because I have OTHER peoples kids all day as well. And the Chaperon to student ratio wasn’t looking too good for me either. But I woke up today and just felt like it would be a smoooooth sailing day. I was in charge of snacks as well so I cut up at least a dozen pineapples to bring for the students. After we got everything squared away I got my twins ready hopped in the car and off to the zoo. Once we arrived we convened at the front entrance with the rest of the class. Feeling really outgoing I sang to the students “Who Likes pineapples?” and in return I received an abrupt synchronized “EWWWWWW” and in my head I’m like wtf, little ungrateful bastards. Another parent copied me in the same tone and offered celery! And the kids accepted it! I mean in what world does that happen. No ranch either I might add. Whatever, I was determined to make today a good day so I let it go over my head as we walked in. So we’re now inside and we happen to stumble upon the monkeys and we make our way to the chimpanzees because they’re my twins favorite animal. But were not getting a reaction out of any of them. So I had an idea. I brought out my 10 pound Tupperware of pineapples. That sure enough got their attention. So we seemed to get the best interaction out of them but giving them little pieces of pineapple. The whole class is amused by me and me kids for all about 3 minutes until the Zookeeper intercepted our human to monkey interaction. A few minutes after that. I am being escorted out by the same zookeeper in handcuffs because we aren’t supposed to feed the animals. And honestly I only did it because I saw the other chaperon feed a giraffe some celery! Now I have to explain to my wife why I can never return to our city zoo.