Main Ingredients:
Doppelganger
Service technician
Artichoke
Lentils
Alley

Spice Pack:
1/3 whisper of tenderness
1/8 dash of jubilation

Instructions:

An indescribable shade of pea green, this lentil secretes a wondrously odiferous sonnet in homage to its origins deep within the darkened alleyways of the Gowanus Canal where it still matures in late winter. Never able to satisfy the quantities and pace of growth necessary for a truly successful commercial production, the lentils are instead left to ripen according to their own needs, unlike the force-grown breeds frequently relied upon by the newer Wall Street farms. No, the Canal methods of lentil feeding are more gentle and humane, and the resulting tang in the thinly veiled legume shell is more than adequate. One is not wrong to regard the other varieties as something akin to a doppelgänger, forever dedicated to the imminent destruction of this superior strain.

Over time, understandably, the subtle allure of the canal has had more than a friendly influence on its traditional textures. Served against any artichoke heart, its beat immediately apparent in the strange fusion of some of the more gregarious side dishes, the lentil here presents a richness that is not so much culturally different than simply open-minded.

The Gowanus area is long known for its masterful service technicians, each one a veritable city leader in electromagnetic oscillation. They place a high importance on the impeccable quality of their ready-to-go lunch packets.
Peel the lentil and place in a Dutch oven. Add artichoke hearts and cook reflectively until seams are clear and soft. Stir intermittently. Gradually sprinkle remains, then puree bit by bit. Serve topped with minced variety.