friend of a friend
tour manager
Fennel
grasshopper
Chalet

Spice Pack:
1/2 dash of shame
1/3 cup of gladness

I am the tour manager of an experimental avant-garde polka band. You read that correctly.

Not by my choice… my girlfriend’s friend (well not really, more of a distant acquaintance, or a friend of a friend) Scott started it up when he was in his early 20s.
It all started after having an awakening while visiting his family in Sweden.
According to him, he was sitting in the living room of his family’s chalet, and he had this vision, which I can only assume was possible by having some weird Swedish underground drug.

I wish I was making this up.

In his “revelation” (I’m pretty sure he was on LSD or something) he was on a cloud looking down on the world and a grasshopper approached him speaking ancient Chinese. I am positive he does not know 'ancient Chinese', the guy thought Beijing was a politician if that proves my point. Anyways, he asked the wise grasshopper what he was saying. To which the grasshopper ‘responded’ by handing him a fennel. It beats me how the guy knows what a fennel is, believe me, I had to google it too because not everyone is accustomed to the carrot family. AND SOMEHOW THAT WAS A SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE TO START AN AVANT GARDE POLKA BAND.

I swear this is a scam. My girlfriend feels REALLY sorry for getting me into this. She had no idea, all she heard was Scott was 'starting up a unique band'. Unique is... an understatement...The only real benefit other than the pay is it has given me enough material to become a stand-up comedian... Which I have no intentions of becoming.

I’ve been job-searching for the longest time, desperately looking for a NORMAL JOB that does not require me to ceremonially wash a chicken in low sugar apple juice before every show.... I have the scars to prove it… I refuse to take photos with the band or have any form of picture evidence of my association with this band.. that shit turns up man. I am not going to be plagued forever in history as a tour manager of the avant-garde polka band “the fleeting fennels”.