Ingredients:
First girlfriend
Detective
Olives
Prunes
Court

Spice pack:
1/8 pinch of disgust
½ smidge of satisfaction

Melissa – she was my first girlfriend. It seems like just yesterday we would sit together and watch hours and hours of Magnum P.I. together. Every now and then we would switch it up and watch some CSI: Miami, but who am I kidding, nothing could ever compare to Tom Selleck’s stellar acting in Magnum.

Things were great, plain and simple. We were like two peas in a pod…

That is, until one fateful dinner party last summer.

We thought we had the whole night figured out. We spent countless hours planning everything out down to the smallest details. It was our first dinner party as a couple and we wanted to really wow our guests.

Dinnertime was approaching imminently, and then we realized…

Appetizers!! We forgot about the appetizers!

So we frantically tried to think of what we could put out for our guests to nosh on before the main course.

That’s where things took a turn for the worst.

I suggested olives. To me the olive is the perfect hors d’oeuvre—it’s light and deliciously salty, everything you could hope for when you’re looking for something to casually nosh on.

But Melissa wasn’t having it… She wanted prunes.

I… Hate… Prunes. They are disgusting.

And so I prostested. And she fought back. And then I fought back. It got pretty bad. So bad in fact that our relationship ended right then and there.

I hate prunes, but I would never have thought that they would have been the thing to end my first relationship.