Main Ingredients:
boyfriend
reader
brussel sprouts
cocoa powder
jellyfish

Spice Pack:
1/3 cup of attraction
1/8 tablespoon of contentment

My boyfriend of 3 years just left me. Do you understand the gravity of the situation right now?? Face: 10/10, Bod: 10/10, Personality: 11/10. He was my life, we had a 1000 day snapchat streak that just ended, over 300k messages back and forth on facebook and I liked every single on of his tweets, statuses, profile pics, cover photos, and whatever the hell else there was. I'm not addicted to social media btw. Also, don't assume this was one of those superficial relationships, I said his personality was 11/10. Anyways, what I'm trying to get at is that we were buddy-buddy. I don't know what I'm going to do without him, but I knew I shouldn't have baked brussels sprouts into his chocolate cake. Even then, how would that = a break up, it was just a prank bro.

I shoulda seen this coming. In the last few months of our relationship, I saw him getting pretty close with that jellyfish tamer down at the aquarium. I knew he didn't care that much about jellyfish and now I think they're together. That brussels sprout cake was just a cop out, I know he just wanted out.

I guess the best thing to do now is find someone else huh. If you're reading this right now, gimme a call. I like my guys thicc. Needs good personality of course, and you have to shower everyday. number phone number is ###-#### not looking for a rebound must be committed.

do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers