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Dog Milk

Main Ingredients:
duct tape

Spice Pack:
1/3 teaspoon of insult
1/2 dollop of contentment

I borrowed my neighbor's computer to check the prices on some model trains I found in a box out in the alley. Pretty good shape. A sleeper car, caboose, some box cars, some tracks. H-O scale. A little bit of duct tape glue stuck on one of the segments. Otherwise, really good condition. Maybe, you know, I'd make a little money. I finished up my work, screwed around a little bit online, checking emails, posting some recipes, etc. Let myself out the back door.

A few hours later, I'm eating a carrot, thinking about those trains and who might buy them... and my neighbor, Ed, comes knocking on my door.

"Hey, you broke my computer."


"It's got a virus on it."

"I didn't download any viruses."

"Well, whatever, I checked the browser history and you were doing some sketchy stuff on there."

"You checked my browser history!? Seriously, dude?"

"Yeah! Because everything was running super slow. I did a virus scan. A bunch of crap on there. Checked the browser history...."

"That's pretty creepy."

"No, creepy is looking up 'bodybuilders nursing from dogs.'"

"Uh, no, it's not. Maybe in your backwards world, breasts are some kind of naughty thing, but it's 100% natural. Science."

"Bro, it was a human with a dog. I'm not judging, but a human doesn't nurse from a dog."

"Like you don't drink milk from a cow?"

"Not straight from the tap. And, generally, I am wearing clothes."

"So you looked at it?"

"Yeah. And I don't want that on my computer."

"Then you should know that it's not a person drinking from a dog, it's an anthropomorphic dog. Drawings, no less. There's a big difference. A real human and a real animal, that's unethical. But a sentient dog-person, that would be a very different deal."

"Look, I'm not really judging you about the dog-people thing you got going on. Not really interested in the ethics.
Just, like, pissed that you'd borrow my computer for a project and then screw it up by visiting a bunch of sketchy websites."

"Yeah, and I am a bit insulted that you'd spy on me. Like, maybe you need to get a life..."

"Well, maybe you need to get your own computer."

"I was going to share the money from the trains. But, you blew it."

He walked away, shaking his head. Maybe, I'll give him another chance...
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